Single Part 2

 
It was June 2002 when I played my first game of golf and the lady that I was dating was responsible for it. After getting hooked on the game, she and I golfed nearly every weekend weather permitting. She was a retired school teacher and worked part-time for a textbook company and traveled extensively during the school year. I missed golf in the cold winters of Philadelphia so I began to accompany her on her trips to places with warm climates and places we could golf. One of those trips was to Mesa, Arizona.

After golfing in Arizona, I decided it was where I wanted to retire. With 325 days of sunshine each year I could spend my days playing golf, my Friday nights dining out and dancing and my Sundays throwing something on the grill. When her son decided to move his family to Arizona, it clinched the idea that we would move there also.

We liked Mesa and the price of homes in Mesa was much less than the more prestigious communities like Scottsdale. Mesa was ideal for its cultured and homey downtown area and its close proximity to Old Town Scottsdale and the Phoenix airport. Housing prices were escalating rapidly in Arizona and on one of her business trips to Mesa, Arizona we decided to look for a house we could buy and rent until we were ready to move.

On our trip to Mesa in May of 2005, Anita and I found a charming house in Red Mountain Ranch Country Club in the northeast panhandle of Mesa. It had three bedrooms, two baths, and a nice back yard with a swimming pool. It was in a gated area of Red Mountain Ranch. Red Mountain was a golf community with a challenging Pete Dye golf course. The house was not on the course but it was across the street from the houses that were on the 15th fairway of the course. We decided to buy the house and, although it took until November, we found a nice family who leased the house for a year.

Anita's son was a construction engineer and he wanted to build a custom home. He and his wife purchased a property in Fountain Hills, a beautiful growing community but far outside of the city of Phoenix. When the lease ended on our Mesa house in November 2006, Bill and Hana wanted to rent the house while their house was being built. Everything seemed to be working out in a way that would benefit everyone. In December Anita and I flew to Phoenix to celebrate Christmas with her kids at our house. I rented a Cadillac, Hana's mother was visiting from Czechoslovakia and we celebrated our good fortune even spending a December evening sitting out around the swimming pool.

Bill and Hanna were golfers. Bill was actually the guy who took me golfing for the first time and we had all golfed together as a family many times. We could only join the RMR Country Club in January so we thought it might be a good time to join the Country Club. In addition to golf, the club had lighted tennis courts, a community swimming pool, and a well-equipped fitness center. So, while we were still in Mesa celebrating the Christmas holiday, I paid the $8,110 RMRCC golf membership fee. The monthly fee for golf would be $425. However, by the time we got back to Philadelphia, Bill, Hanna and Anita all decided they weren't interested in golf, tennis or the fitness center. And just like that I was stuck with the $8k membership fee and $5,000 for golf that no one would be playing.

After moving into the house, Bill wanted us to replace the builder-grade appliances that came with the house. We agreed since they would eventually be our appliances. We bought a new Maytag washer and dryer and replaced the refrigerator, dishwasher, microwave and garbage disposal with new top-of-the-line appliances. Then, in less than 6 months, Bill and Hana MOVED OUT! They scrapped the idea of building their home in Fountain Hills and bought a house in the neighboring community of Las Sendas. Red Mountain was on the west side of Power Road and Las Sendas was on the east side. Once again Anita and I flew to Arizona. This time to see the $1 million Las Sendas house and for Anita to visit her granddaughter.

At this point I was beginning to believe that my best option might be to MOVE TO ARIZONA. I owned six rental properties in Philadelphia and my experience with renters told me that renting a house with expensive new appliances would not be a good idea. Also, tenants don't clean swimming pools or do yard work. Plus, it had taken six months to find our first tenant and during that time it cost me $19,872 for mortgage, association dues, utilities and maintenance. During the year the house was rented to the Acosta family those expenses totaled $24,562. That was offset by their $16,800 in rent and they paid gas and electric, but I still lost $7,762. During the five months Bill and Hanna rented the house the expenses were $21,605, including $635 I paid Bill for cleaning the house and the $425 monthly golf fee. That was offset by $7,000 in rent for a loss of $14,605. Adding those losses together brought my total out-of-pocket expenses to $42,239.

When Anita and I bought the house, my money was tied up in my Philadelphia properties so we agreed that she would cash in a stock investment for the $65,000 down-payment. I would pay the $7,300 in closing costs, the mortgage, the association dues, water and the upkeep until I matched her down-payment. At the time, it seemed to be a very workable plan. However, now my expense jumped by $8,110 for the golf membership, $6,800 for new furnishings and upgrades, and $7,486 for the travel expenses of our trips to Phoenix, all of which I had paid for. In the 23 months we owned the house, my out-of-pocket expenses totaled $64,634, just $366 less than her $65,000 down payment.

Now that Anita's family and granddaughter were in Arizona, she decided to sell her house in Doylestown, PA and we would both move. Her house sold within weeks and our move was planned. However, there was a new problem. After seeing her son's house Anita wanted to turn our $367,000 house into his million-dollar home. She wanted to replace all the ceramic tile with travertine tile. Since we were replacing all the tile, we should replace the carpet in the bedroom hallway with travertine tile also. If we're replacing tile let's install a mosaic medallion in the foyer. And while we are at it, let's also add a stone facáde to the fireplace.

By June 2007 it was time for us to move to Arizona. The tile work was finished and new carpet was installed in the living room and the bedroom. The moving truck was loaded and heading west. Anita, her dog Schnapps and I loaded up her red Jeep and head for Mesa, Arizona. Upon arrival I helped with all the unpacking and then flew back to Philadelphia. I had to rent my apartment and arrange for someone to manage the six rental units.

While I was in Philadelphia, Anita decorated the bedroom with her bedroom set but she bought new furniture for the living room and, what she called an office & sewing room. We decided not to use the dining area as a dining room but to make it part of the living room and to turn the breakfast area into the formal dining room. Anita bought a new dining room set, table, chairs and hutch. I laid the $1,350 oriental carpet I bought in New Hope and hung the $6,300 hand-painted, hand-forged Nicolae Vishu chandelier that I bought in Scottsdale.

In the family room we added the stone facád to the fireplace and replaced the sliding glass doors with French doors and a transom. The side panels and doors had venetian blinds between the glass panels. The back yard got a face lift as well. My glass-top kitchen set from Philly became our patio table, Anita's outdoor sets decorated the yard and the pool planter came alive with colorful flowers.

The house was beautiful but Anita wanted a new kitchen. The old all-white kitchen had to go. After months of searching, we found the most beautiful, one-of-a-kind, very expensive Brazilian Verde granite you can imagine. One solid slab of the Brazilian granite was used to create the kitchen island. The island got a new sink, drop-down lighting and new bar stools. The second slab of granite was used to make the counter tops The backsplash was tiled, the kitchen was painted and, finally, Anita had her new kitchen. It was beautiful.

Unfortunately, I would never get to enjoy any of this. Perhaps I had assumed too much. I continued to pay all the expenses but once we moved in together, I expected that we could each pay for our personal needs, cars, clothes, and medical care but we would share all of the household expenses. Anita had already made it clear she would not pay for the Club and I felt I had paid enough when I added in the cost of our travels and entertainment. Her remark was, "Did I track every piece of gum she chewed?" She insisted that I fudged the accounts and didn't deduct, as she put it, "all the rent I got." She insisted I was cheating her but refused to look at the spreadsheets and to discuss it.

However, in the nine years I owned my properties in Philadelphia, I kept meticulous accounting records. My Philadelphia accountant, Bill Holtzman, would attest to the accuracy and detail of my spreadsheets. I addition, I had given her the federal tax deduction on the mortgage payments because I didn't need the deduction with my properties. I spent about $2,300 a year on golf and now I was paying over $5,000 a year. She was not only refusing to contribute to the mortgage, utilities and maintenance, but she decided that buying food, household supplies and maintenance were not her responsibility either.

See the Before and After Photos of the Mesa house

 
What happened after Anita and I moved in together I never expected. She hated my cat. We shared nothing. She had her food. I had mine. What I cooked she wouldn't eat. What she cooked I was not welcome to eat. What I cleaned she criticized once yelling and screaming because I had not "dusted the lampshades" when I invited my golf buddy and his wife for dinner.

For 30 years I did my own cooking, shopping, cleaning and laundry. I dusted when I saw dust, my bathroom and my home were always clean. My bed was always made, my clothes were expensive, organized in closets and dirty clothes were always in the hamper.

In Philadelphia Anita and I had a fairly happy relationship, albeit a "weekend" relationship. I drove to her house on Saturday and returned home on Sunday night or Monday morning. I was a big fan of the PGA tournaments on Sunday television and Anita encouraged me to learn to play golf. I loved the game and during the summer months we played golf almost every weekend, usually my treat. However, there were early signs that our relationship might not work. My friends did not like Anita. I loved to dance and we were often complimented on our dancing. I was always a good dancer and was used to getting complimented on my dancing but it wasn't long before she refused to dance claiming "I was showing off." Even on the cruise we took to the Baltic Sea countries and Russia with her friends, she would not dance.

It was July of 2007 before I finalized my business in Philadelphia and headed back to live in Arizona. I was driving my car across country and bringing my cat, Brandy. My good friend Kevin's wife, Sharon, wanted to join me on the trip. I had known Sharon for over seven years and she I often golfed together. She was "dying" to see the west and Kevin didn't like to travel. Sharon had cats and offered to help out with Brandy, to help with the driving and to provide some company on the five-day trip. The day we left, Brandy and I met Sharon and Kevin at the King of Prussia Mall. We loaded my green Cadillac with her luggage and the three of us headed west. It was a great trip taking 5 days and Brandy was purr-fect. To our surprise, she waited until we stopped for the night to use her litter box. Each night Sharon and I would have dinner together and in the morning meet for breakfast. The first night in the motel with Brandy, I stuffed pillows everywhere I thought she could hide before I went out for dinner. However, when I got back to the room, she was curled up on the bed and that’s where she slept each night.

Sharon and I stopped to see a few of the sights along the way like the Gateway Arch in St. Louis and had a very enjoyable trip. But a major scene was about to erupt the evening Sharon and I arrived in Mesa. When Anita found out Sharon was "vegan" she had a meltdown. Apparently, she had made dinner with meat and was livid that I hadn't told her. But Anita knew Sharon. We had played golf together several times and I actually didn't remember Sharon was vegan because she never made it an issue of it. But Anita felt "insulted!" I was embarrassed.

What appalled Sharon the most during her stay, was that Anita hated my cat. My poor cat had lived a very peaceful life with never a threat but now she had a dog that would chase her like a squirrel. The dog had the run of the house and Brandy was banished to the office where a child gate kept the dog out. Brandy hid in the office closet cautiously coming out only to eat and use her litter box. Sharon only stayed in Mesa a few days before flying home but it was long enough for her and I to play a round of golf and for her to witness my retirement dream turning into a nightmare. And that first round of golf at Red Mountain Ranch, it literally cost me $10,235.

My life became one of eating alone and sleeping in the guest bedroom. My health was deteriorating. I would put the dog in its kennel after she went to bed at night and sneak my fourteen-year-old cat out for some exercise. That exploded when Anita discovered "Brandy's footprints" one morning in a ray of sunlight that was shining across the dining room table. The constant barrage of insults and harassment lead to heated arguments. I took long rides on my bike each morning to get away from the trauma and relax. Often taking a long break in the RMR community park where people were enjoying life.

On Thanksgiving morning of 2007, I awoke to her screaming "What's this $hit in my oven?" Checking into her problem I discovered some dust had settled in the oven from digging up the ceramic tile when it was replaced with the travertine tile. Apparently, the oven had not been used since we moved in. This behavior continued to escalate. I often took an afternoon nap and occasionally had a beer with lunch. She told her friends that "I drank and fell asleep in a drunken stoper." When I complained she told me to "Get some balls. It was a joke!" More often she claimed I "dreamed stuff" and that I was "passive aggressive." She used these arguments so often that I was beginning to doubt my own sanity. I began to carry a small voice-activated tape recorder in my pocket to find out whether I was losing my mind or if she was manipulating my life. I had evidence. I was not losing my mind.

By October 2007 I began to plan some way that I could move out without losing everything. I secretly rented a storage unit and, while she was away on her business trips, began collecting my things that were stored in the attic and whatever else I could take without being discovered. I was careful to avoid the neighbors whom I felt she may have won over with untruths about me. I had that experience with neighbors once and hadn't forgotten. Somehow, we made it through the holidays but in March 2008 I rented a condominium on Recker Road in Mesa. While Anita was away on business, I emptied the storage unit, took my cat, my clothing and all of my personal belongings and moved into my condominium. When she came home late Sunday afternoon, I broke the news that I had moved out and I was only there to say goodbye.

That might sound cruel but as she stood in the kitchen savoring the ice cream sundae that she bought for herself I didn't feel guilty at all. This relationship was literally destroying my mental and physical health and my cat's health. Now my cat would be free, I would be free and the condo I rented was close enough to Red Mountain Ranch that I could keep my golf membership and my friends. I do regret not renting a truck and trying to get help moving. Moving out in secret there was a lot of expensive items I had to leave behind; the oriental carpet, a $6,300 chandelier, an antique marble-top Bombay chest, my kitchen table and chairs, a marble and glass coffee table, my living room end tables, artwork, a $1,000 Jenn-Air grill and there wasn't room at the condo for my bicycle. At the time, however, I felt what I had to sacrifice was not worth my mental and physical health.

When I moved, I had to buy small kitchen appliances like a coffee maker and toaster oven and I slept on an air mattress until the bedroom set was delivered. I had to buy build-it-yourself dining room furniture at Target and office furniture at Office Max but the rooms came out looking splendid. Next came new living room furniture, tables, lamps, sofa and lounge chair. Eventually I was able to get my wrought iron bed back for my guest bedroom after loaning it to Anita's son and daughter-in-law to fill up the fourth bedroom in their million-dollar home at Las Sendas in Mesa.

I left my friends and my life Philadelphia to enjoy my retirement playing golf, dining out and dancing and I was determined that I was not giving any of it up. I had tried online dating once in Philly and I ended up with Anita but I decided to give it a try once again. At the age of 68 I was not about to go bar hopping and I was way out of practice in dancing and romancing a stranger.

I created a profile on a dating website looking for a lady who enjoyed golf and dancing. Joan's profile fit perfectly and I was interested. Since this was not my first experience with online dating, I hoped to avoid the whimsical chit-chat that goes on and on for months so I asked her for a date. Her answer was "yes" but she added "I do not do coffee and I do not do fast-food!" I invited her to meet at Morton's Steak House. We had cocktails and continued by having dinner. After dinner we had drinks at Tommy Bahamas.

 
On April 5, 2008 I had a date with a lady I met on the internet. Joan lived in Anthem, AZ, about 17 miles north of Phoenix and I lived on Recker Rd in Mesa, AZ, east of the city. We arranged to meet about half way and I suggested Morton's Steak House. We had cocktails and, enjoying each other's company, decided to have dinner together. It was a lovely April night so, after dinner we walked to nearby Tommy Bahama's to stretch out the evening over desert cocktails. Since then, we have celebrated our first-date at Morton's annually.

When we met. I was new to Arizona but Joan had been here since 2000. So, our second date was at a restaurant she picked out for their music and dancing. However, I got lost and Joan was stuck entertaining the bartender. When I finally arrived, we had dinner but the restaurant no longer had dancing. Joan suggested we go to Chances Are, a nightclub and restaurant she was familiar with. It was a great choice; a DJ who played our music and sang, an older crowd, and two dance floors. After that, Chances Are became our regular place to go dancing. We often started the evening with dinner at Pasta Brioni, a nearby restaurant legendary for their Italian food.

It wasn't long before we began dating on a regular basis. Joan's daughters had their law firm in Scottsdale and she worked at their office every Thursday. Since Scottsdale was between Anthem and Mesa, we began to do our dating on Thursdays. Joan had given up her golf membership in Anthem Country Club but I was a member at Red Mountain Ranch Country Club so we golfed at Red Mountain.

Joan enjoyed season tickets to ASU Gammage. We both loved the theater so we began buying season tickets and Thursday became our once-a-month night of theater followed by a late-night dinner. Each year we looked forward to having one of our favorite plays like Phantom of the Opera, Les Misérables, Lion King, or West Side Story among the playbills. We continued to buy season tickets until the 2020 COVID-19 restrictions closed Gammage.

Joan loved cruising and had been on thirty-something cruises. I had been on just four cruises on ships with about 800 passengers but I lost interest after my cruise on Royal Caribbean's Splendor of the Seas. It was a beautiful ship but, with over 2,000 passengers, it lost the personal attention that made cruising special. Joan's cruises, however, were mostly on Seabourn and Silver Seas. These lines had small ships of 200 passengers and the fares were all-inclusive. This sounded more interesting to me.

However, where she had been, I had not. Joan had sailed to Alaska, Asia, South America and "around the horn" to Antarctica. I had been to the Mediterranean, the Baltic Sea countries and Russia twice. Then Joan read about a Transatlantic Dance Cruise with Crystal Cruises. She had sailed on Crystal's ship the Harmony with dance hosts and instructors and suggested that we might enjoy it together. It sounded perfect. This cruise would be on the Crystal Serenity with about 800 passengers. I loved being on the ocean so all the sea days of crossing the Atlantic sounded exciting. We took the cruise. Since that first cruise we've taken many very memorable Crystal cruises together.

At the top of the list are the cruise to Iceland and Greenland and the cruise to New Zealand. We have enjoyed Crystal so much that we embarked on our 12th Crystal Cruise in December 2019. It was round-trip from San Diego to Hawaii and we celebrated Hannakku, Christmas and New Years in the most elegant style possible. In Hawaii we golfed at Mid-Pacific Country Club, Kailua, Oahu and The Dunes at Maui Lani, Kahului, Maui. In 2020, 13th Cruise from Barcelona, Spain to Quebec City, Canada was canceled as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic.

On one cruise we crossed the Panama Canal with a stop in Cartagena, Colombia and experienced our very own Romancing the Stone story. In Cartagena we both spied a stunning un-cut emerald in a beautiful gold setting. However, I had left my credit cards on the ship and Joan had not informed American Express she would be out of the U.S. We could not buy the ring. However, luck was on our side. Crystal's tour guide had the email address of the Cartagena tour guide. After returning to the U.S, we were able to contact the jeweler who agreed to send us the ring. He sent photos so we were sure it was the same ring and he offered to ship it to us through a Miami jeweler for the same price we saw it for in his shop. How will we pay you we asked? Just send me a check. We got the ring!

In addition to cruising, we vacationed several times in Mexico where Joan's brother and his wife have a magnificent villa high on a hill in Conchas Chinas, near Puerto Vallarta. When we visited them in Mexico, they often took us to interesting towns and cities from Guadalajara, Jalisco to Sayulita, Nayarit.

Meanwhile, back in March of 2010 we had grown tired of traveling between Mesa and Anthem. It was a long drive going south to Scottsdale, then through Mesa and out the Red Mountain expressway to northeast Mesa. and decided to move in together. We chose Anthem for many reasons. Joan was not an animal lover but she accepted my cat. Brandy was 16 years old and lived to be almost 21 years old. Although Joan and Brandy didn't share any affection, when Brandy passed, we adopted another cat; a great five-year-old cat named Lucky with a gray goatee and a bushy tail. Joan is not one to clean a litter box but she will feed and pet Lucky and she worries about him like a helicopter mom!

Moving in together meant Joan and I had twice as many household goods and furniture as we needed. we decided it might be fun to redecorate the house together so we both sold some of our furniture and bought new living room furniture and a new rug. We also bought new outdoor furniture with an amazing fire pit. We added an outdoor bar with two bar stools, an awning and a "misting" system.

After I moved to Anthem, we joined the Anthem Country Club together and enjoyed as much golf as we wanted. Joan enjoyed getting back to the Party-Niners, a lady's golf league that partied after playing 9 holes, and I became their photographer. I joined the men's league for a short time but preferred playing with friends or with Joan.

In 2009 I bought a red Cadillac DTS. Joan had always wanted a red car. She was driving a Lexus ES but wanted a little red car. Well, she bought a charming Lexus IS but it was not available in red. Sometime over the course of her lease on the IS she took her car in for new windshield wipers. Her salesman, the friendly and likeable guy he was, pointed out a red Lexus IS on the lot and promised her a great deal if she was interested. She bought the red Lexus. Since then, we have joked that she took her car in for windshield wipers and got a new car instead! However, she loved her red car and we ended up with two red cars both sporting vanity plates that read "Why I Dance" and "Old Dancer!"

Joan is a Dancer! < collector of travel memorabilia, perfume bottles and a very talented needle-point artist. In addition to Joan's art, we have collected more great art together. From Mexico we have our prized Dancing Katrinas and from Key West we have our dancing peppers, and our Phillip Anthony Oil Painting.

This year on April 5, 2022 Joan and I will celebrate 14 years together. We still golf, dance, travel and share all of life together. It has been joyful and happy fourteen years. Use EXTERNAL LINKS "Personal Website »" in the Index to see all of our Life in Anthem photos.

 
Coming Soon!